Esther has always been my easiest child. Always.
She was the baby that just sat and smiled from the bouncy seat. She was the perfect baby. Truly. Eat. Sleep. Smile. Repeat. Best sleeper. Never cried. Never.
Everyone should be blessed with an Esther baby.
Her thighs were also quite edible. And plentiful.
She is my snugliest child. She never asks for anything.
She sings a lot. And dreams of princesses, unicorns and butterflies.
She is helpful and giving and truly just full of joy.
And I’ve never worried about Esther. Just give her a large bowl of fruit to eat, snuggles on your lap, pink twirly dresses and unlimited art supplies and you pretty much have all of her needs covered. There has never been any emotional landmines to tip-toe around, no tantrums or unusual wants, no questions of why she isn’t happy. Throw her into a room of strangers and close the door behind you, and Esther makes friends..and invites them all to dinner.
But we are having a tough year. I can tell Esther needs more. Needs something. There are tears that have never been there before and less talk about friends. Her pink dresses are making way for jeans and her teeth are falling out. She has emotions spilling out of her and she cries on a dime.
And she has no idea how to express what is going on as she’s never had to explain anything before. Because she has always been happy.
I know. I feel. I think it’s nothing big. I think being a first grader has just hit her hard. That she’s not a little, little girl anymore. Or won’t be for long and for her and her love of the magical and the silly…I think being a bigger girl just doesn’t look like as much fun.
And I think it’s hurting her.
I’m not sure how to let her know that she can still be silly and sweet and big.
But I know she will get there.
But damn my heart hurts right now watching this lovely girl in pain.
I’m just so thankful she still fits in my lap.
As I want to hold her as long as possible.
And help her find some new magical unicorns to believe in.
She is an amazing little girl and I know you will get through this. xoxo
Praying for your sweet girl. Growing up is so hard sometimes & I love how you put that being a big girl just doesn’t look all that fun to her…how insightful, & true in some ways. But I will pray that the finds the joy & the silly in growing up & that you have wisdom to guide her into becoming the sweet, loving, fancy-free bigger girl that she is meant to be! Lots of hugs!
Thank you so much for this. Is it horrible that I actually expected her to just always be happy. I actually want to say “hey you need to stay the happy one to balance the others out!” lol xo
This makes me want at Esther child.
Esther, you’ll get through it. You have the best Mom.
The second ones usually are a bit Esther like – so you may get lucky.
Awwww, my heart hurts just reading this =(. I hope you’ll figure out what’s going on in her smart mind… big girls can totally be silly and believe in magic, she should hang around my Grace for a day, lol.
I know – I look at your Grace and I still see that girlhood magic. I love that about her. Okay, I’ll fly Esther out next week!
Oh she is so YOU. She has been cloned and will make it thru all of this. After all – you have fun and a great sense of humor!! I love how you can write about change.
Growing up is so hard! My middle, my son, is my easiest.
Sometimes I fear he gets overlooked amidst his drama queen sisters and I notice now that my usually good natured boy has tendency to get in little depressed funks every once in awhile. It’s something that I have to keep my eye on as he becomes a tween.
Your little girl is so sweet. I know that you can help her capture the “magic” in growing up.
Growing up is so hard! My middle, my son, is my easiest.
Sometimes I fear he gets overlooked amidst his drama queen sisters and I notice now that my usually good natured boy has tendency to get in little depressed funks every once in awhile. It’s something that I have to keep my eye on as he becomes a tween.
Your little girl is so sweet. I know that you can help her capture the “magic” in growing up.
She is truly a special girl. Glad she can still snuggle in your lap!
Oh my heart, how we hurt when they hurt.
And yes, thank goodness for laps {and moms that cheer for magic.} We could all use more of both.
xo
Losing magic is truly the worst. Fortunately there is still some to be found, especially for a little one like Esther, even as she feels like she is not so little anymore. There is still Harry Potter and Christmas and the first snow and rainbows. I hope that this funk she’s in ends soon. It’s tough on both of you, that is clear.
One little postscript: I agree that everyone should be blessed with a baby like Esther. But only after they get a colicky, stubborn, difficult child like my older son so that they learn not to be judgmental of other parents! I have too many friends who think parenting is easy, or who think that one tantrum a day is just an awful, awful phase! Ha. If only they lived in my house for one day.
So true – my eldest and my youngest were/are VERY colicky and emotional so I needed just some happy mellow with Esther.
So interesting as we just started reading/watching Harry Potter about a month ago and she LOVES it so much.
She will find the magic, because she has you in her corner, and you have the ability to find the magic in day to day life. I’m sorry she’s going through a rough time, but I just know you’ll figure it out. Laps & bowls of fruit? They really can solve many, many things.
she’s lucky to have a mother like you, one that is open to what she feels, and takes her emotions as important.
This is a wish I have for all children.
So tough to watch our kids go through these things when there is nothing we can do but hope that time makes it easier. Sending hugs to both of you.
I understand this, Tracy, and I feel that I’m almost there with my son. He’s in kindergarten this year.
This makes my heart ache just a bit. I remember when that happened to me. I see it is going to happen for M too. She’s already emotional, but she loves the magical and fantastic, and I worry that public school is going to suck the fun right out of everything for her.
Perhaps channel her love of the magical and fun into story writing? Drawing picture books for Astrid? Younger siblings are an excellent excuse to hold on to that side of things. I will fully admit to using my children to hang on to the magical. I convinced the big girl the moose at the zoo were made of chocolate.
This made my heart ache for both your little girl and mine. I fear that my first grader is going through exactly the same thing. What was once singing and happiness is now crying and pain and I feel a bit helpless. My oldest didn’t seem to go through this (she is 8), but my 6 year old seems to be so much more sensitive to it. The rainbows in her imagination are becoming less colorful and it saddens me. If you figure out how to help her, please share your wisdom, and I will do the same! This parenting stuff sure is hard.
Lots of luck….~Misha
Hi Misha – Very similar here. My now 9 year old didn’t go through this either – but she is more my realist/serious one where my middle is a dreamer and it’s hitting her hard.
Thank you for your very kind comment.xo
Oh… being a mom is so hard. One day Big Girl (also in first grade) came home from school and one of her friends had told her that princesses were for babies. I asked, “do you like princesses?” “Yes.” “Are you a baby?” “No.” “Then I guess princesses aren’t just for babies then, are they?” That helped for a little while.
This transition from little girl to big girl is a hard one. When she starts talking about being “big” and “I’m not a baby anymore” I like to remind her that you are only a kid for a very short time, but that you get to be a grown up for the rest of your life. Once you are “grown up” you can’t go back so that it is important to stay little for as long as you can. I just wish that other parents would embrace this concept as well.
Big hugs! She’ll get through this. In the meantime enjoy the hugs and cuddles.
Not too long ago, I worked for a woman who was also the mother of three. She told me about going Christmas-present shopping. See, this mother had made a habit of taking each girl to the mall to shop for family members. It was a great way to spend some “one-on-one” time with each of them, and figure out what they thought of their siblings.
So, her middle child asked “so, how are you going to plan the mall trips this year?”
And Ronda (my boss) answered “I hadn’t thought about it yet.”
“Well,” said her daughter, “you could start with the baby and work your way up, or you could start with your oldest, and work your way on down.”
Ronda breathed a deep sigh “I think, this year, I need to start in the middle.”
I really feel for middle children – not “being the oldest,” means that things aren’t, truly, ever “new” for you. And not “being the baby” means that you’re left on your own, sometimes when you don’t really want to be.
Your middle, however, sounds like a really, really great girl . . . give her some extra snuggles in the meantime, and I think you’ll find a very, very happy girl at the end of the day.
It’s so very true. As much as I think she is the really the perfect middle child..sometimes it must be very rough. Off to buy more fruit…
xo
Oh, honey. I know what you’re feeling. This is my Karly. Except she’s been slower to get to the stage of unexpressed emotion and frustrated tears.
She is twelve and I can tell. She’s not ready for what comes next.
And I’m not ready either.
So I snuggle her on the couch and let her know I love her. I tell her she will be okay; that we will all be okay.
That she should never forget we will always have each other.
But it is still. so. hard. So I’m sending love and unicorns to you and your sweet girl.
And the belief that magic will always live in your hearts.
they put so much pressure on these little kids at school…it’s so tough…
poor little Esther…this makes me so sad for both of you….
Maybe even though she’s an easygoing middle child she just needs some extra attention…
this coming from an easy going middle daughter…
I truly appreciate your middle daughter advice. I think that Esther and I need a little date..
This so reminds me of my son. He is a first grader too. There is a change that happens that you can’t quite put your finger on. They are growing up but still not yet grown.
Let’s just sit and hold our babies and tell them they must stop growing!
Ah, this is painful. It’s hard to watch the growing pains.
Tracy,
I know what you mean. First grade was a huge transition for both Susan and Eric. Eric is very shy. He is quiet. Sometimes when he came home from school, I would ask him who he played with at recess. No one, he replied. I had to leave the room so we would not see me cry.
Finally half way through the school year, Eric has friends to play with at school.
When you think about it, first grade is a full time job. They are gone from 8 to 4. It is a long day.
I feel your mother’s pain.
Love,
Your Utah Friend
Such a sweet post. I look at my daughter growing up before my eyes and I feel that pain. It has to be the hardest part of parenting – watching them hurt. Hugs
I hear you. Love this.
Jordan is the same age as Esther! When I was reading about her changes in emotions I felt like I was reading about Jordan. While I think our girl is going through some of these changes because of all that we’ve been through with her sisters, I also think it’s partly due to the age. And you’re right – they’re not little, little anymore and their lives are starting to look a lot different socially and educationally. It’s a lot I’m sure for them to process and so it can spill out in the tears and emotional way. You’ve given me a bit of perspective on this – because I have been less than stellar in my response to the whiney-crying. Because I just want her to talk to me, but I imagine the crying might just come with it right now. Thought provoking…we’re in a similar boat I think!
I know. I admit I have had my moments of “stop the tears!” But I have to stop…because they are there for a reason. I need to just hold her tight a bit more. Hugs to you guys too. xo
Poor Esther, and poor Mama too. These are the things I worry about with thegrowing and changes of my children. Growing pains are so difficult and it’s so hard to see your child struggling. I hope that Esther gets through it quickly and can see what a beautiful young girl she is.
I have awful memories of first grade. I think it was a similar set of factors. It will get better (before it gets worse again- I’m positively terrified of age 12 for our girls).
Oh gosh. 12. Hold me.
She’s so lucky to have a mom who values her feelings the way you do. Growing pains are the worst.
Going through the same w/my middle girl, Zoe. I don’t want to feed into the whole middle child syndrome, but everywhere I turn, that seems to be one thing that explains it. I try to remind her there are things about her that are so inherently her that I treasure. I try to carve out time just for her (b/c now, in 3rd grade, she is more vocal about needing mommy time when at slightly younger than Esther she’d always been the easy one, the one who sat back and smiled, took it all in, listened. While I try to do one-on-one things with each, it’s hard. She makes me make the extra effort. Luckily for me my 3rd grader still fits on my lap (although her damn feet touch my ankles when sitting there).
You’ll find your way. I know it.
So funny – yes my 3rd grader is quite comical when she is on my lap. I can almost sit on hers.
It is so hard to watch our children go through this. My oldest went through something similar and damn it hurt. I had no answers, no possible solutions. All I could do was to be there for him.
She will get through it, and so will you. She has a wonderful mother helping her. xo
I’m sorry Esther is going through a rough transitional phase. Your insight and empathy speaks volumes, Tracy – you may not know what you’re doing here, as you say, but the fact that you know she’s hurting means you’re clearly doing something right. ::Hugs::
I’m sorry your beautiful vibrant girl is struggling. I wish I knew the words to say to tell you to make it better. I’m sure you feel the same struggle exponentially more. Does she not like her school? Her teacher? Her classmates? Perhaps there’s something that is challenging for her that if you could identify you could help her solve.
Best of luck.
She says she loves it all and her teacher says she is happy at school. She can’t voice it for some reason. For now she is on my lap A LOT – which is awesome.
Not sure how I missed this one sweetie. All my girls found grade one a rough go. Lot’s of tears and anxiety. I almost forgot about it until I read your post. And thankfully they had great teachers so I had help. They grew out of it. Some months, some years are harder than others, but … this too shall pass. Give her an extra big hug for me.
Dana
Geesh I think I can totally relate to that sweet girl some days. I think the first grade can be tough on a lot of kids – no idea why but it just is. Keep her close, build her up, remind her why she’s as lovely as you tell us she is!
I nodded reading this..because I see Jacob in her and I wonder what will happen when it’s time to be cool and different etc. That picture of her is so telling, her soul is deep and special you can tell just from the way she looks right into the camera and doesn’t blink…she’s all there. You are so lucky to have a soul like that in your life, she will find her way I can see it in her smile.
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